CALVIN ONE LINERS (From Calvin and Hobbes)

Reality continues to ruin my life.

The surest sign that Intelligent Life exists is it hasn't tried to contact us.

So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met.

The thing about life is its never so bad that it cant get worse.

Mathematics is a religion and as an atheist I should be dismissed from it.

My parents are the two stupidest people on Earth - just my luck they'd get married and have me.

Calvin to Susie:I think girls and bugs must have a dim perception that nature has played a cruel joke on them, but they lack the intellect to comprehend the magnitude of it.

Given that, sooner or later, we're all just going to die, what's the point of learning about integers?

Calvin to his parents: What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words!
I let my mind wander and it didn't come back.

Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't
deserve it.

childhood is short, maturity is forever... let`s play.

Mom yelling at Dad: "It was your stupid chromosome, not mine! We could've had a sweet, innocent, little girl! It's all your fault!

What's a pronoun?A noun that lost it's amateur status!

Compromise is the solution that leaves everyone pissed.

I wish I was dead....well no, not really. I wish everyone ELSE was dead.
If something is so complicated that u cant explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.

Nothing I do is my fault. My family is dysfunctional and my parents won't empower me! Consequently, I'm not self actualized! My behavior is addictive functioning in a disease process of toxic codependency! I need holistic healing and wellness before I accept any responsibility for my actions!.