CALVIN ONE LINERS (From Calvin and Hobbes)

Reality continues to ruin my life.

The surest sign that Intelligent Life exists is it hasn't tried to contact us.

So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met.

The thing about life is its never so bad that it cant get worse.

Mathematics is a religion and as an atheist I should be dismissed from it.

My parents are the two stupidest people on Earth - just my luck they'd get married and have me.

Calvin to Susie:I think girls and bugs must have a dim perception that nature has played a cruel joke on them, but they lack the intellect to comprehend the magnitude of it.

Given that, sooner or later, we're all just going to die, what's the point of learning about integers?

Calvin to his parents: What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words!
I let my mind wander and it didn't come back.

Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't
deserve it.

childhood is short, maturity is forever... let`s play.

Mom yelling at Dad: "It was your stupid chromosome, not mine! We could've had a sweet, innocent, little girl! It's all your fault!

What's a pronoun?A noun that lost it's amateur status!

Compromise is the solution that leaves everyone pissed.

I wish I was dead....well no, not really. I wish everyone ELSE was dead.
If something is so complicated that u cant explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.

Nothing I do is my fault. My family is dysfunctional and my parents won't empower me! Consequently, I'm not self actualized! My behavior is addictive functioning in a disease process of toxic codependency! I need holistic healing and wellness before I accept any responsibility for my actions!.

Yes.. I am not killing myself

When one is too hurt one cannot see others' pain, is too blind with one's own.
When one has many weights to lift, one cannot enjoy life.
When one has many expectations, one cannot be patient with others.
When one has fear, one cannot enjoy life.
When one does not give, one is making the heart lonely.
When one does not take, one is making the heart feel inferior.
When one does not hope, one is shutting oneself into a tight closet.
But when one does not love, one is killing one's self.

Amour Sanglant - Pour Toi !

Love is the most abiding power of the world". Martin Luther King

I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly. - Michel de Montaigne

"Love dies only when growth stops." Pearl S. Buck

"No one is perfect until you fall in love with them"

"True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist, Nor can it be hidden where it truly does." Anonymous

"When you like someone, you like them in spite of their faults. When you love someone, you love them with their faults." Elizabeth Cameron

Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing. - Evan Esar

"That?s love: Two lonely persons keep each other safe and touch each other and talk to each other". Rainer Maria Rilke

A kiss is something you cannot give without taking and cannot take without giving." Anonymous

Love Hates Me

"Love is loving what your lover loves". Anonymous

If you really want to do something, you will find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

Human beings are meaning driven creatures. The secret of life is to find meaning.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. - Edith Wharton

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her." - Anonymous

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork. - Edward Abbey

"And think not, you can direct the course of love; for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course". Khalil Gibran

"There is no remedy for love but to love more." Henry David Thoreau

Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment. - Evan Esar